The Last Word

The Last Word by She Who Must Be Obeyed

Bringing Camille Home By RN May 2008

Our adoption journey started in 2003 when God said "Not yet" regarding the increase of your family.  One fertility specialist said adoption or egg donor are your only options.  The second one said I can get you pregnant.  Did he?  No.  JE pulled the plug, after almost a year of specialists, shots, poking and probes. Before we were married, well actually on our second date we talked about adoption, I had to make sure it was in his vocabulary.  The rubber now needed to hit the road regarding adoption.  Once we started down the path I discovered I was pregnant with our first daughter.  Now this is in no way confirmation of the quite often stated fallacy "You know once you start the adoption process you will get pregnant."

The options we had to decided upon were enough to make your head spin…

• Open - where you have an ongoing relationship with the birth mom.  The plus side of this is that you can ask questions.  Find out what diseases run in the family, get a general idea of who your child looks like when they ask, etc.
• Closed - where there is no relationship at all.  Records may be kept permanently locked up.
• Domestic - where your child is somewhere in the U.S.
• County - where foster care  then adoption is encouraged
• International - where you either travel abroad to pick up your child or have her escorted into the country.

After meeting with two agencies, neither of which met our needs, we decided on international.

Yes there are children in LA here who need homes but as someone once told me "Try to get them"

Hold on and enjoy the ride because the emotional rollercoaster is about to take off.

We decided on India, found an agency whose qualifications we met and who met our expectations.  Since we were requesting a female toddler, that increased our chances of getting our child that much quicker.  Then there are the mountains of paper work which needs to be notarized and apostilled.  Birth certificates of everyone in the household, marriage license, general application, this includes but not limited to questions about your childhood, how you were disciplined and your plan of discipline, your family relationships, siblings, parents, step-parents, spouse, what you know about and your experience with grief and loss.  "The Home-Study" is a more in-depth focus on the stability of your relationship, and the safety of your home.  It is not bad and is not something to psyche yourself up for.  Finger printing and a criminal background are standard.  Verification of assets….bank accounts, home loan, how long you have been at your job, physical exams, 3-5 references (this can delay the process if you are all caught up with the paper work, so choose wisely), guardianship of your child in case of an untimely event. Some agencies require child CPR, always a good thing to know.

Then the day you have been waiting for …The phone call, e-mail, carrier pigeon of your referral, the child who will soon be yours.  Some agencies decide for you, ours let us choose her ourselves, I prefer this method, you have an instant connection to your child.

We have been" pregnant on paper" for 9 months.  Anticipating our snatch and grab there will be little time for sightseeing.  Unfortunately it is recommended to treat your trip as a business trip.

Be prepared for ignorant questions…"Why would you want to raise someone else's child?"  Trust me with all you are going through the bonding is forming.  Yes it can be expensive depending on which way you go, there is a small tax write off.  JE says we are rapidly approaching $25K and we haven't even bought the airline tickets!  A few companies contribute towards adoption with the economic situation in the US spilling over to other countries, grants are hard to come by.

Remember it's not about having a baby but being a parent.  Yes, give yourself a fighting chance to conceive on your own, but don't foolishly go into debt when God is telling you He has a different plan.  Time is of the essence, the agencies do have an age restriction, and I would hate for you to miss the wonderful opportunity of loving your child.

RN

je addy  lostdiver61 at yahoo dot com