Choosing Your Agency

When we first started along the adoption path we needed to find an agency.  In fact we actually started looking in our own backyard.  We thought adopt a child from the Los Angles area.  My work actually had recommendations of several agencies.  Our community fund had lists of agencies that the employees had supported. and there were employees at the company who have adopted, my senior manger among them.

First Shock

Open or closed.  In an open adoption or semi open the birth mother/father actually pick you based on a portfolio that you put together.  Wooh, back up a minute.  You mean the birth parent/s choose you.  Uh no thanks.  Even better yet on some adoptions the parents may even have post adoption contact. That did not suit our needs so we said no thanks.  Oh it got better,  on the open adoption the birth mothers had a tendency to either look for the high income family or families that were , humm shall we say close to their peerage.

Second Eye Opener

Stay away from agencies that won't disclose.  We quickly wrote off agencies that wanted $$ up front to either talk to us or give us information.  I got really frustrated when one company, local big charity organization started by a well known celebrity (now deceased) could not give basic statistics.  Such as:

What are the age range of your couples that you placed children?

How many children did you place in the last year, last 5 years? 

What is the average wait time after the dossier is completed? 

How many dossiers are open – this one is important if it is a first come first served.

County

County was an option.  However, we found that at the time we were looking, that prospective couples were being strongly encouraged to first foster and then adopt.  We didn't want to go the foster route as we felt that each child needs a stable environment and getting shuffled from one foster family to another is just plain cruel and we did not want to be a part of that.  Another reason is getting attached to a child and then having the county place that child with a family that would adopt.  Sorry our emotions have already been through the ringer.

Out of State

So we don't like the county system how about other California locales, hey Santa Barbara has a large college population.  Looking into other agencies and even going out of state we determine, that for us we might as well go out of country.  It is our strong desire that the birth parents not be in the child's life during their formative years.  I am all for giving as much information and helping them make contact later, such as after they have finished high school.  Our child/children will know they are adopted but they will not know the details of the bio matter.  Looking at cost, foreign adoption could be a viable route.

Go Foreign

India is chosen, actually the wife (Hellooooo Nurse, HN) wanted Sri Lanka.  I look into that slightly unstable country on the south end of India, do a bit of research and determine that there are very few US agencies that have capability to adopt from the island state.  How about the mainland India.  Time for some geography as the wife thinks we can travel the length of India in a day.  yah by jet but not by car.  Do you want North India, South, East, West?  Just like the US there are many geopolitical and graphical cultural differences in this large up and coming country.  Luckily she says girl, lower caste.  Ah, right answer.  She may experience some prejudices here in the states but she will not be subjected to the caste system.  Works for me.

When Adoption is Not Adoption

India does not recognize the concept of adoption.  So when the Indian courts grants you custody of a child you are granted that.  Permanent custody.  Once you are back in the states you then have to jump thorough the hoops here in our courts system to finalize the adoption.  Yep,  we belong to the school of hard knocks.  No reason to take the easy route here.

For You Impossible

Hey look at this, there is an agency that brokers India adoptions in Long Beach.  Cool.  So HN calls.  As she puts it, they lady on the other end sounds like she just got off the plane.  Yes, you want to adopt from India?  Are you from India? No?  Oh.. Please wait.  Another lady comes on the phone.  Yes miss, I hear you want to adopt from India.  Are you from India? No? Oh, is your husband from India? Mo, Oh, well that will be very hard indeed.  Oh? How hard?  For you ma'am IMPOSSIBLE.  The HN says "Oh you do not know the God I serve and he is in the impossible business.  thank you for your time and honesty"

We learn that India prefers to grant custody of their children to citizens who are of Indian descent.  As HN often tells me it is not what you say but how you say it that matters.  The lady on the other end of the line didn't know how to say it. I wonder what they would have said if HN had an English clip?

One Door Shut, a Window Opened

It was an emotional setback but hey this adoption thing is turning out to be an emotional roller coaster.  Not a real setback because there are many other agencies to look into, they would have been convenient.  At this point I am kinda hanging back waiting for HN to settle in on an agency.  Looking at  the cost of one over another (yeah this is another thing that some agencies are not willing to share until you have already plunked down some dough) they are all about the same.  Some agencies has milestones for parting you with your money.  The first is in the applicantion/contract and the second chink happens after you have accepted a child.  Part of the $$ goes to the agency and a lions share is destined for the orphanage.  HN settles down on three and of course none of them are in our state.  This poses a bit of a heartache for me.  Hey, I want to meet these folks that are going to be sucking away my stash that we have saved up for a rainy day/house expansion/world tour.  HN starts talking to one individual both on the phone and through email quite extensively.  She (the Adoption Agency rep) even starts to send us questions we should be asking our prospective agency, a list of financial resources (I will post this soon), and answering some questions that I thought the agency would be hesitant to discuss.  Wow, we are almost getting full disclosure all we have to do is keep asking questions.  I ask HN where this person is located, Missouri.  Cool, not as close as I would like.  Will she be the one we are working with?  No, the India rep is in Michigan.  Humm where is the home office, Texas.  Ah so they have more than one location, yep.  Anyone in California?  Not really but members of the agency are moving to central California but hey will be telecommuting to the home office.  Ah so there is no Brick and Mortar here.  Nope.  Here is the big question.  Do you trust them?  I'm thinking used car salesman here.  HN says yes, they have been more than helpful knowing full well we may be just pumping for information and not sign up with them.  We are talking contracts here, financial consequences for not completing the deal (forfeiture of funds sent) and most importantly possibly a life long relationship.  This last point was important for me.  Depending on the agency your communication can be the length of the adoption process or longer.  I am in it for the long haul and want someone that will follow our post adoption for at least 7 years.  I know we are going to have questions about emotional issues and behaviour patterns and we need to know that we can contact them after our contract has concluded.

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